Have you ever witnessed a woman explode? Seen her porcelain skin morph from silky perfection to contorted anger-riddled flesh? Have you been that woman? We have all been that woman, or been on the receiving end of that woman. One thing is for certain, if you are on the receiving end, there is only one thing to do – run!

Hell Hath No Fury

They say ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ As a woman, who has been scorned, I would like to say that I believe this quote, in certain cases, to be eerily true. I mean, have you ever seen a woman truly detonate? 

I have seen the slightest of women turn into the incredible hulk when pushed too far. I have seen the kindest, sweetest most delicate of females turn into monsters when threatened in some way; and believe me, I have felt that feeling too.

That feeling when the bottling up of all the emotions – frustration, sadness, pain and anger – suddenly explodes, blinding all your rationality, and an uncontrollable rage takes over. Naomi Campbell hit her assistant with her cell phone and I chased a girl down the street, ready to hit her with my 6 inch high heel because the bitch threatened my friends’ child’s life... it seemed so rational then.

Female Anger

Anger is an emotion both men and women feel equally; however, it is more acceptable for a man to lose his temper than it is for a woman to lose hers. Think about it, what would be weirder? Seeing two men getting into a fist fight on the street or seeing two women taking swings at each other?

The latter would be deemed odder, I would think. And those two women would be labelled psycho and out of control, while people would quickly forget about the altercation between the two men. Even if a woman so much as raises her voice in anger she is immediately thought of as a ‘crazy PMS bitch’. So it is that women are more comfortable holding their anger in, rather than expressing it or even letting themselves feel it.

Danger Zone

This is what makes a women’s anger dangerous. Usually, holding in our anger, or identifying it as ‘frustration’ instead, causes the real, suppressed anger to stagnate within us.

It builds up, until one day it explodes. All rationality evaporates, you become blinded by the swelling of emotion that rises from within you; nothing anyone says can stop you from the verbal assault you are about to spew, no one can stop you from running down the street with a six-inch heel in hand, no one can stop you from smacking your assistant in the head with your cell phone, and no one can stop you from almost running over your friends.

Running over your friends? Yes...but I’ll get to that later.

Holding Back the Anger

*Tanya spoke to me about how her relationship came to a screaming halt when her anger got the better of her.

‘I would hardly communicate about what was bothering me,’ Tanya says about her failed relationship, ‘I was scared that if I did, he would leave me. I didn’t want to be one of those irritating girlfriends that poked and prodded at the smallest of things.’

Tanya kept all her emotions bottled up; she bit her lip when she should have gently expressed what she was feeling, but her emotions stagnated and grew into an uncontrollable monster.

Relationship Anger

One night *Thabo said something Tanya didn’t like – she doesn’t even remember his exact words – and that’s when she exploded.

‘I just started screaming at him,’ she says bluntly, ‘I couldn’t stop yelling, and then I grabbed my cell phone and threw it straight at him. I just kept yelling, I smashed a window with my fist and I just collapsed onto the floor – screaming like a child.’ Needless to say, Thabo left.

Keeping our emotions locked inside of us and being too afraid to express our concerns about our relationships leaves us open to a greater danger... the danger of self-exploding. Speak through your anger, voice your concerns, or wind up blowing-up and living with regretful behaviour that could have been avoided. Like the time I almost ran over my friends...

Lady Rage at the Wheel

‘Fuck it!’ I bellow as I ram my car into first gear and soar up the narrow alleyway that 5 of my closest male friends are standing in. They jump against the concrete, hiding their bodies away from the roaring vehicle, ‘Fuck!’ I throw my car into reverse and fly back down the alleyway and once again the bodies leap away from the car, ‘Cheers!’ I scream off down the road.

I soar through Greenside while screaming profanities through my teeth in the pouring summer rain and then BAM! My car skids, slides and veers into the pavement of a golf course. I am now stuck, in the torrential rain, sweating from absolute fury, and have no one to call but the five people I just about ran over in my overwhelming lady rage.

I scream. I cry. I hang my head in shame, pick up the phone and call them for help. They come, stand on the other end of the road while the bravest of them all inches his way toward me.

The Morning After

The next day I wake up and my blurred memory of the night’s events begin to take shape. Where the hell did that come from? One second we were arguing and the next I just exploded. I turned into the screaming banshee that I used to read about in the Brothers Grimm stories.

I felt sick to my stomach from the adrenaline and the regret. After numerous apology letters I was eventually forgiven for my temper tantrum. But one thing is for sure: my friends will never let me live down my ‘lady rage’ incident...

Learn to Breathe

It’s okay to get angry – it is not an emotion to be ashamed of; everyone gets angry. Just learn that it is okay to voice your concerns and opinions. Don’t hide it all, because no matter how much you try to bury your emotions, they find a way to bubble to the surface and eventually explode.