It is not just about exercising, eating right and using anti aging treatments – aging gracefully has a lot to do with your spirit and state of mind.
Pamela Moeng
‘I was sitting on the bus when you called me for this interview. And I laughed wondering if I am aging gracefully or disgracefully!’ laughed Pamela Moeng.
At 58 years old, Pamela is grace. She is soft and calming – at least that is how I experienced her after a day of lugging boxes and shifting furniture (I am in the process of moving). She completely calmed my rattled nerves just by watching her make a cup of coffee for her man.
Her priorities are clear; that is for sure. First, take care of the people who love you the most. As least that is the connotation I got as she poured steaming hot water in the mug. Soon we got to talking and as we were conversing I was pleasantly surprised to note that her small frame and gentle voice are the reverse of her large life, which is centred on work and her family.
As much as being a Director at the department of Agriculture and Rural Development, having a loving live-in partner and children are a big part of who she is. And her drive to keep on going in other quarters of her life is evident because she is eager to start with her PHD. ‘You are never done,’ she said to me. ‘You are always a work in progress and this keeps you young!’
Educate Yourself
Surely it is about Botox and eating green leaves? At least that is what I always thought.
It was as if Pamela read my mind, because she replied, ‘No, you have to educate yourself and be financially independent. Because then you can be in a relationship because you want to be not because you have to be.’
If we were on Oprah this would be an Aha moment for me! Girls we have to make our own money because any dependency we have, especially financial, will cause us stress. And stress will not make us age gracefully, not by a long shot.
Seriously now. Have you seen what stress does to you? Someone very close to me suffered from stress all her life and by watching her I always thought if I need to be anything at all, I have to be happy. Because of constant worry and pain I saw her grow old before her time – wrinkles, failing organs and all.
Be Happy
‘And life is meant to be enjoyed,’ added Pamela. ‘Don’t take it too seriously. The world will not end because you do what makes you happy.’
‘Easier said than done,’ I replied.
This is because, as my peers and I grow older, we are faced with so many difficulties. As young black women we are asked to comply with both western and traditional rules while trying to find what it is that we value the most. Ask me – the stress of this can add a few kilos after you have muffled your sorrow with Woollies caramel chocolate cupcakes (and the wine you wash it down with does not help with the wrinkles! As advised by my dermatologist – do not do this often if you want to age gracefully).
Honestly – not quiet the answers I was looking for. When one asks for advise on ageing gracefully – you expect to get ‘eat an apple a day’ or ‘put egg yolk on your face before bedtime’ – catch my drift. So I moved onto someone else I admire as highly as Pamela.
Myesha Jenkins
Myesha is a talker; so I thought I would get a lot out of her. Like a shot of vodka a day keeps the doctor away? (Ha! in the world of your dreams!). OK, seriously, I did think I would get more cosmetic advice like smother your body in a concoction of bird wee and wheat germs to keep your skin supple.
Yet, despite my talk about aging gracefully, Myesha’s response was simply, ‘Your body will change; so stay away from things that breakdown your body.’
We are all adults and, unless you have been living in a cave, I don’t need to tell you that cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, fast cars/men/women should always be avoided or, at the very least, be taken at your own risk. None of these contribute to aging gracefully and they really are toxic for your body.
But there are some things toxins or age does not have to affect. As Myesha puts it, ‘aging does not break down your spirit and possibility.’
Younger Folk
Myesha is 62 years old, but she spends most of her time with younger folk – either through the poetry and writing workshops she holds or during her performances. She told me how these youngsters are the ones that keep her optimistic and alive because they still see the possibility in everything.
And I concurred. Having not taught myself, I imagine there is a vibrancy in people younger than me that I fear is fading within me as I worry more and more about my taxes and where my next pay cheque will come from. So I have made a personal note that I will make at least two friends in every age group from 0–100, and maintain this for the rest of my living years.
Late or Lucky Start
As an older black woman feminist expat African-American alcoholic spiritualist poet (this is how she describes herself on her blog; the interesting thing is that Myesha only started doing poetry when she was 44 years old! That was the year she arrived in
So Myesha described how, at 44, she had to compete with younger poets who have been doing this for longer than her. It was learning from them that propelled her and further ignited her mind. It was their love, their encouragement and their honesty that pushed her forward; culminating in all sorts of projects, including the Feela Sistah! Spoken Word Collective, in which she shared the stage with the likes of Lebo Mashile and Ntsiki Mazwai.
Moral of the Story
I really liked how Pamela and Myesha said the same thing to me in essence. Aging gracefully is about being open to the people around you. And, for Pete’s sake, do not take yourself so seriously.
Like Pamela said, ‘I wish when I was 35 I realised how young I still was.’
