People should have more pleasure, all the pleasure they’re capable of, have happier, more fulfilled relationships and fun.

It’s all About Him

One of the most common ‘problems’ I hear about, almost on a weekly basis, is along the lines of, ‘he’s not sensual, he’s not romantic, he doesn’t know how to touch me, he only wants sex, he’s always satisfied, it’s all about how quickly he can get it in, he doesn’t get it, I’m so frustrated, I’m so angry, I’m so turned off, I just lie there knowing it’ll be over quickly, I’ve lost interest in sex, I can’t get really turned on anymore, if that’s all it’s about I’d rather not.’

There are more, but that mostly covers it.

The Same Story

I started teaching in the sexual field about nine years ago. I was hearing the same stuff then. I’m hearing it now. For a long time it was one of my soapboxes, trotting it out at every opportunity. I did this because I really want people to have more pleasure, all the pleasure they’re capable of, have happier, more fulfilled relationships and fun.

There were times when guys would take note, when they realised that something wasn’t quite right, and responded. But there were, and are, many more times, when there was no response, or denial, or anger, or retreat into the cave or something as silly. There have been times when, if I had the answer to the question, ‘how do I get him there, I wouldn’t have enough hours to see everybody.

We Ain’t what we Think we Are

This is deep stuff. It hits men at the core of their being. Nothing has as much impact as realising and acknowledging that sexually we ain’t what we think we are in our minds or in our fantasies. Doing something about it is a whole other world, because a real man…

Well, here’s a truth. Real men do. It’s that simple. Why? Because they realise something. If you ask so many men, maybe most, about changing something, learning something in a relationship, the question, often unspoken is, ‘what’s in it for me?’ Simple answer. Everything.

If a woman is pleasured, if a woman is happy and content and sexually fulfilled, she’ll give you the world. You get what you want, by giving. And that means action, doing stuff.

Being a Good Lover

It means understanding what it means to be a good lover. This includes sexual skills, understanding the importance of sensuality, the power of romance, how to communicate, the safety, what women want and a few other small things. Easy.

Much of this can be learned. I’ve always maintained the absurdity of many aspects of life. One of them being that nobody teaches us how to be a good lover. There is such an emphasis on education in our society, we need to be learning all the time to succeed.

An Art and a Science

Being a good lover is one of the most important parts of life. And yet we’re kind of expected to get it right, to know where everything is, how it works, what it does. And that’s only the purely physical side of things, never mind the emotions, the spirit, the energy.

Being a good lover is an art and a science. The science is learning about such things as her body, sexual technique, making love, touching, Tantra, energy flows. The art is deeper. It’s about awareness, connecting, emotions, spirit. It’s about consciousness, a different way of being as a man. Which doesn’t make you any less of a man, it makes you more, much more.

So what’s in it for you? The world. For her, for yourself. Simple.