Death is a reality but we’re never really prepared for it. However, what would you wish to do differently if your lover, spouse, friend or child died today?

Living for Today

The possibility of death exists everyday. So often we refuse to pay it any attention because the idea that a loved one may no longer be with us physically is difficult to deal with.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once proclaimed ‘the only constant is change’ and while we cannot prevent death, though many have tried in searching for youth’s elixir, we can ensure that while we have the people we love most in our lives, we enjoy their presence and share our love.

Coming to Terms with Death

When an ex-boyfriend died suddenly two months ago, I was surprised at how sad I felt. We had parted acrimoniously many years ago and had never kept in contact, but suddenly the thought that we could never try to be friends hit me hard. On hearing the news of his death, the urge to say all the things I had wanted to say overwhelmed me.

It is the same feeling I had when my beloved pet, Blues – a Belgian Shepherd, was run over by a car. For three days the pall of death hung over our home, and where there had been so many worries that often stopped me from spending as much time with him as he had wanted from me and which I, too, had desired to give, now nothing mattered except to have him with me again.

A Second Chance when Death Almost Strikes

I promised myself that when he got well again I would scratch him when he called for it, kiss him when he pushed his face into mine, play with him when he jumped on me; because all he and I truly ever have is the moment we have right now.

For many people death is scary. Talking about it is thought of as bad luck, but nonetheless it is a fascinating subject. If we are certain of anything, it is that someday we all will die. Ziska Baumgarten, a mother and wife, had this to say when asked about losing her loved ones:

‘I think you can kill yourself with regrets. I would like to think that there’s nothing I would do differently if I knew that my son or husband were to die today. If I knew one of them would die today, maybe I would take the day off work to spend with them. But that does not mean that I would regret having been at work should they die without me knowing.

We all have lives to live, work to do and things to do. We cannot put our lives on hold for anyone else. What we need to do every day is to remember to acknowledge the people in our lives.’

Lucille Sikosana, the third child in a family of four children, said:

‘I am so unprepared for that. It would drive me crazy. I mean that.

If a loved one had to die today, I know I would feel ever so guilty for not telling them how much they mean to me and how much I love them. And I would regret snapping at them, or taking them for granted. So what I would do differently is not take life too seriously, and make it a point to enjoy every moment, every hug, and every conversation that I have with them, as if that were our last.

Vivienne Fouche, a daughter to her living parents, and a mother to two young boys mentioned that:

‘I think for me the lesson is ‘try to live more in the moment’. Be 110% present. Give my children, husband, friends my fullest attention, rather than listening to them with half an ear and worrying about things I can tackle later or can’t tackle at all, in which case, why am I worrying?

I have actually started trying to do this because I learned the lesson when my friend’s child became disabled.’

Lebo Mokoana, a daughter, sister and much loved friend, emphasized:

‘What a question! Death is a reality and will come at one point or another, and I know when that does happen it will destroy me because I am so close to my family and friends (a part of me will definitely go with them).  I think we should treat our loved ones with respect so that when that time comes we will take solace in the fact that we loved, supported and cherished them.’

Rabia Hiramun, a young mother and wife, who recently lost her own mother said:

‘I honestly would not do anything different. I thought about it this morning, and when I am with my family, I give them 100% of ME, and will never change that, only because I know how short life is.

The only thing is that I wish I could have more time to spend with them, but I know we have to work and when it’s time, hopefully soon, I will spend more time with them.’