The Politics of Sex is defined by the question: ‘to do or not to do?’ Sex is a multi-headed monster that, according to numerous geniuses, controls a large part of our lives. But the defining question is really: do you do it or not? Or in political terms: do you deliver?
To Not Do
This is really the simplest way to handle the question of sex for yourself, but explaining this to other people is the huge downside of the solution. Having to explain why you are choosing to be celibate is actually the hardest part of this decision. In my opinion, don’t explain to anyone unless it is someone directly affected by you not having sex.
And the reason for your celibacy: “it’s personal and I feel that it’s something I have to do”. Keep it short, spirited and to the point. Don’t discuss sex casually - it leads to promiscuity (but that’s another story). As all good politicians know, the best way to sell your point of view is to epitomize it every day.
But otherwise the perks of celibacy are endless, even if you are selling a nowadays unconventional way of thinking. The biggest one is that your partner, flirtation, date or possible soul mate must really like you to stick around. This tends to sort the gropers from the hopers and can validate their respect and love for you. If he agrees to your celibacy, he will be ‘in it for the long haul’. Even if the presidential race is difficult, and you are competing against former beauty queens with their own range of enhanced dolls, the prize at the end is worth it.
A few other perks as food for thought: no pregnancy scares; no hyper intensive shaving rituals that leave you marked, like you were attacked by an infiltrating mosquito swarm; no diseases (HIV/AIDS being the major concern); a reduced amount of ‘Moving Too Fast’ questionnaires; knowing yourself better; and still retaining the ability to blush au naturel.
To Do
To Not Do is the small political party, constantly in the contenders ring but never really clinching the right number of parliamentary seats. To Do always has two-thirds majority. However, once you are doing it, the true political wheeling and dealing comes to the fore.
A number of small but crucial elements can rock the To Do Party. Whether the To Do party wants good sex, or just sex ala carte, or if it’s sex within monogamy - extreme factionism exists within this group; but let’s make a summary of the major topics on their agenda:
1) When to have sex: too soon (e.g. one-night-stands) can result in a lack of voter confidence and loss of votes due to embarrassment, hangovers and unshared aims; too late a delivery actually seems to work in your favour in this aspect of sexual politics because there is an enormous buildup, some knowledge of compatibility, and the grounds for a special connection. Of course, if, after all the hype, it’s a total flop, then at least you have a non-hurting excuse to leave: “we were just not compatible.” Easy.
2) How many? Here, as ex-President Clinton will attest to, one is the easiest number. President Zuma will follow this up with a comment on expenses, medical bills and wedding costs. Either way, multiple partners can be dangerous, especially for your physical safety; mentally, you will be in a whirlwind.
3) Why? Is sex your way of sharing, showing, gaining, manipulating, playing, or proving love? By now your candidacy is hopelessly running amok, screaming “define yourself!” Maybe do that before you do IT.
Selling the Sexual Vote
Basically, the person in power comes down to who you vote for, and the same is true for who you have sex with. Trust your gut, learn as much as you can about what your potential partners stand for, where they have been and where they are going; and even better, know where you want to be. Since you know what you want - having sex or not having sex - do it your own way. And stay protected.
