Why do some men have the need to name their penises? I have written on a few topics now, but none as entertaining as this.

Why Name your Penis?

This is a pretty good question. As a friend said, guys do it because they want to be on first-name terms with the person who makes all their decisions.

Our little men are very important to us. We use it to relieve ourselves; pass the time when we have nothing better to do; and perform that thing our parents only did once to create their little prodigy.

Now, although they are very useful utensils, they are pretty fucking ugly utensils.

Something like a giant blood worm. So I can only think that guys name their penises to make them appear greater or more beautiful than they are.

Naming your Insecurity

I know of someone who named his penis ‘Goliath’. With a name like that you know he has a small dick and an oversized and over-priced car to go with it.  

Then there is the delightful name ‘Prince,’ which refers to an identity crisis if you ask me. Your penis is not and will never be a prince unless it looks like Prince Charles, which, let’s be honest, is a possibility.

And then there is the name ‘Harold’ to which I respond, ‘What the fuck, dude?’

Do these names really make you feel better about yourself or are you just making your insecurities more obvious? Dumb ass! I asked a few women if their man has named his penis. I was shocked by the answer and it brought back some memories I thought were in the recycle bin. Their answer was...

‘I Named it for Him!’

Now we understand that as a child your parents will write your name on your space case or lunch box in case you lose it. As we get older we name our pets and children so we won’t lose them or forget who they are. It also shows that person, creature or object belongs to us.

It is the same for women and their men. I have discovered over the years that women can be very protective over what is ‘theirs’. So naming his penis for him is her subconscious way of marking her territory. Yes, this can be argued as an act of humour, but a few women I spoke to admitted it was like putting their stamp of copyright protection on their man.

I find this a little strange, but each to their own I suppose. I remember my ex naming my penis something stupid as a playful joke, but, hey, maybe there was some underlying meaning to it.

Whatever the case, it is dim-witted, so please don’t do it. How would you like it if we named your vagina and breasts after someone or something else? 

My Name Is…

The thought of men naming their privates is very peculiar to me. I promise your penis won’t feel sorry for itself if you don’t give it a name. Just wash, treat it right and play with it as often as possible. That really is all the love it needs.

Little man out!