The fear by men of the opposite sex goes back to the birth of humanity or, at the very least, to the wooden spoon when you were a child.
What Scares Men
‘Simple, would you not be scared if someone’s teeth were around you privates!’
While the wooden spoon is petrifying to any five-year-old kid, it can only get worse. Talking to a girl when you hit your teens, let alone trying to kiss her, is scary enough and when you hit your adult years it’s all downhill. So listen up and try to understand my points, which I promise are all in good fun.
The Lid is off the Jam Jar
Being a man there are certain things that I find more exciting than others. One is late night munchies while trying to see straight. Doesn’t matter what’s in the fridge, we will find a use for it on our sandwich.
I have to report, though, that in our excitement to devour this interesting food type we may forget to clean up after ourselves. Now it doesn’t mean it won’t happen, it just means we’ll do it at a more convenient time.
This is a big ‘no, no’ to a lot of women I have encountered. What is to follow can only be described as Hitler dictating to the Nazi’s. You’re not too sure what the hell he is saying, but you know if you don’t listen you will be placed against a wall and shot!
Majority of women will blame this sudden outburst of alien words that no man understands on a little word called…
Hormones! It’s my Hormones, God Dammit!
Yes, it is true that during the week of no play the guy will try and stay away as much as possible. You have to realise that this is because he loves you even though you’re flying over the cuckoo’s nest.
In this time he will witness the seven deadly sins: gluttony, lust, pride, greed, despair, wrath and acedia (discouragement). Should he be foolish enough to comment on any of this the immediate reaction is, ‘Well at least you don’t have to go through it!’
Umm, yes we do, because, believe it or not, at the end of the week we are still the ones holding your hand. Come on ladies, give us some credit; we may be stupid, but we can put up with a lot. Just help us out every now and again. Not all of us speak ‘women’ as fluently as others.
I Want It! I Want It!
Now this is pretty broad and can mean many things; clothing, cars, DVD and a guy. I asked a few guys what scares them most about women and every single one said the same thing.
‘Commitment.’
Now, if this were true, there would be very few fathers and husbands in the world. So how is it that ‘commitment’ freaks guys out? Well, there are two main categories I found that scare the pants off us. The stalker and the over thinker.
The Stalker
Now the stalker is pretty self explanatory; a woman (yes, sometimes a man) who is, well, if she had a chance to chain you to the bed and keep you there, she would. Yes, she’s the kind who will find you wherever you go. I swear they have a built in tracking system.
They will text you whether you are sleeping or at work, and I’m not just talking about one text. No it is a short book filled with stuff that would rival Jane Austin! The stalker is a keen predator and if she lived in the wild would be queen of the jungle, cause once she’s locked on to her prey it’s like a fat kid on cake. There is no stopping them!
Calm down girls. There is nothing worse than someone you’ve just met clinging on to you for dear life. Guys like challenges; try being one, trust me!
The Over Thinker
The over thinker is not as bad as the stalker; she is often a normal nice girl that you’d meet in a club or your favourite bookstore. You go for coffees, dinners and, eventually, like most adults who start dating, you take it a step further. The only problem is ‘the over thinker’ has planned this all already without you knowing.
How is this possible? Well, my theory is they can read minds. But actually they can’t because if they did they’d realise that if there is anything that scares us more it is planning your December holiday when you’ve been seeing each other for two weeks; and it’s only January!
The over thinker isn’t actually a bad one; just really enthusiastic. But most guys want to take it slow; so have some fun, stop planning, go with the flow. It works for most couples, why not you?
Here’s something important to remember; although we may bitch and hide away for fear of execution, if we are still with you we’ve accepted who you are. But this does not seem to be the same for everyone, why?
Acceptance
‘Why do women always find the need to try and change their man; especially if she liked them for who they were in the beginning?’ (This question is from a woman)
Some women I know would argue that they are just trying to perfect us. No, if there is a God and he couldn’t get it right then what the hell makes you think you are going to? So stop trying to ‘fix’ us; we are quite alright, thank you!
The Makeover
The makeover may work in certain senses and couples do lean on each other for help. My ex spent our entire relationship trying to change me and make me happy. Both of us we’re so blind that we couldn’t see that ‘we’ were the problem.
Regardless, that she wanted me to change was the most off-putting and terrifying thing of all. So it came down to the fact that if she wasn’t going to accept me for me, then why was I sticking around? Bags got packed and that’s it.
The most important thing I can say with regards to all this bullshit is this; we are aliens to one another (men and women) even though we have spent millions of years trying to figure each other out. That is not going to change.
So just go with the flow, take it down a few notches and repeat after me, ‘I will not drive my car near pedestrians when I am angry with my man!’
Trust me.
