You all know the story of the woman in the bar who asks the guy she’s just met, ‘Want a quickie?’ And he responds, ‘As opposed to what?’
The fact is there are so many myths around sex and love that one battles to know where to start. A good place to begin then is with the not so funny joke above, which first shocks at the idea that a woman would just want a good fuck and ends with the stereotype that we men don’t know any different. But common sense and scientific research completely rubbish the idea that all men want to do is fuck as many women as possible while women just want to make love to their chosen mate.
Caveman/Cavewoman
At its most basic, the sole function of sex is procreation. Not just making babies, but healthy and smart kids. From here has developed the myth of the caveman wanting to spread his seed far and wide while his cavewoman fretted in her grotto over how to keep her stud at home. Well, the truth is cavewoman was also spreading the love because she was never sure if her caveman was firing blanks or not.
What science knows for sure is that monogamy in men and women is not a natural instinct, but social monogamy is. What this means is that monogamy benefits society because of sex’s power to be socially disruptive, but makes no sense for individuals. So there will be ‘cheating’.
Cheating
What we call ‘cheating’ is thus an inbred instinct that ‘cheats’ only social harmony, but is perfectly natural. And let me get this off my chest, and there is plenty of common sense and research to back me, men are not the only ones who ‘cheat’. If this were true, who would we be cheating with? Goats?
The truth is that most ‘cheating’ is opportunistic. The other day I asked a friend of mine if she would ‘cheat’ on her man and, with some shock, replied, ‘Never!’ A little while later I pried a bit further, ‘If you were at a conference and you met some hot guy and there was an opportunity for some uncomplicated play, would you do it?’ ‘Absolutely,’ she laughed. ‘As long as there was not the smallest chance my man would ever find out.’
The
All sex, then, at its most basic, is fucking. Plain and simple; done by both men and women in equal measure. But that does not take into account that little thing called love. Now here is territory fraught with trouble, mainly because of pop-psychology stupidity such as men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
You know how it goes: what is a man’s idea of a romantic evening? A good fuck. Or, what do men and women have in common? They both distrust men. Or, what is the one thing that all men in a singles bar have in common? They’re married. Or, why don’t men ever show their true feelings? Because they don’t have any. And, what’s a man’s idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
A Little Thing Called Love
Love is an emotion, not an instinct. And it is related to sex, but not exclusive to it. This means I can love my female friends without wanting to fuck them. And I detest the word ‘platonic’ for deep love friendships between a man and a woman that does not involve sex or sexual yearning.
When it comes to love there are even more myths than with fucking. There is this idea that men are incapable of love while women feel deeply; that relationships are anathema to men while being at the core of a woman’s existence; that men just want to fuck while women want to make deep, meaningful love. Bullshit! If you disagree, then explain to me why research continually shows that men are happier in relationships than women, and that most divorces where women have the financial means are instituted by women.
Men are from Boksburg and so are Women
Science consistently shows that there is surprisingly little emotional difference between men and women when it comes to love and sex. Where there appears to be chasms these are caused by how men and women are socialised, not how they are wired.
The facts are that love and sex release chemicals that make us happy. And the happier we are the more productive we are and the longer we live. It puts a spring in our step; brings joy to our lives.
He’s just not that into You
If we love someone we want to bring joy to them as well, which filters down to wanting to spend time with them, play explore, share. This includes foreplay and sexual satisfaction.
So to say a guy can find the pub easier than your clitoris is as much your fault as his. If this is the case then he’s just not that into you, or you to him. Then it’s time to throw him out the cave or wave him a tearful goodbye.
