First Love? 

You were my undetected tumor
The doctors only discovered you now
You have been spreading slowly
Behind my bloodied heart

You were living in my subconscious
Forcing me to self destruct
Invisible tear after tear
Calcified on my skin

You were my tear ducts
Pinching and burning the white of my eye
Torturing my sleep
Watering my dreams

You were my corseted waist
Leaving me gasping for air
Limiting my movement
Starving my cells

With scalpel in hand the doctors appear 
They cut out the tumor
Delete my subconscious
Slit my eyes
And machete my waist

I lie bleeding in my anesthetic state of delirium
I bled you out

I am drenched in blood now
I am drenched in you

Cold water washes you away
The red liquid seeps through the drain

My body is no longer your home
You swim in the sewerage now.

Losing You 

There is a stagnating anger that gnaws away at my bones
I am left a skeletal figure of who I was... the person I will never be again
I close my eyes and I see only darkness, there are no flickers of a yellow light that should be seeping through...This rage blocks the light

There is an anger that I cannot control
A selfish anger that leaves me breathless... needy... alone
There is no way out of this malevalent mansion of the haunted soul
My haunted soul

I need to purge this bloodied psyche
I need to put pen to blank paper
Blank mind
Blank "soul" - I loathe that word

I have never felt this kind of animalistic sheer piercing pain
I hurt those I love to avoid what I love
Sorry for the bitterness in my eyes
Sorry for the broken bones I try to hide

I breathe for you
I love for you
I live for you

Ode to Fear
Fuck fear.
Paranoia.
The numbing meds.
The ever consuming over powering mind fuck of insecurity.

Know that when you slit your skin, when you believed you wrote THEIR love on your arm, you wrote of your love... not theirs. 
Theirs was never there.

Fuck the mirror that reflects regret.
The self destruction that leads to living death.
The sickness.
The mangled bones that you created for your living art.

Easy to say... hard to walk away.

Eagle 

Two heavy bowling balls sit in my skull
black as the charcoal sketches that lie disguarded side by side
a predator, hungry for flesh and bone
swoops and descends as i lie blinded
its reptilian claws connect with my skin
piercing through the muscles of my back
i am suspended in mid air as its nails clutch tighter and deeper
yet, i do not bleed, i do not weep, i do not scream

it releases, frustrated by the lack of its preys pain
it wants to sip on the thick, beating blood of the living
no life in my cells

my head cracks against the tarred ground
still, my blindness fades
i stare comatose into the velvet sky
my eyes blink to the beat : survive. survive.

Pinnochio 

Light swirls and light fades
Your eyes glow
They become hollow

I stare into their blackness
I could drop a coin and it would fall for days
Until a little tap is heard on your little heart

I drop it

You don’t notice
You don’t feel
You don’t care

Dark green, luminous green, light green, black green

Your eyes glow
They become hollow
Jimminy cricket sits on your shoulder
You brush him off
His little cricket legs crack and tear from the pressure
Donkey ears push their way out of your skull

You don’t notice
You don’t feel
You don’t care

Dark green, luminous green, light green, black green

Your eyes glow
They become hollow

Your nose grows until it’s pointy sharp end touches my cheek
It cuts a small incision
It only draws a drop of blood
Your pinnochio smile becomes infected

You can’t look me in the eye

Because

Your eyes glow
They become hollow

You don’t notice
You don’t feel
You don’t care

tap.