Smacked is the true story of Melinda Ferguson’s dark relationship with drugs and her daily battle to find her freedom once more. Penguin Books have provided us with two copies to giveaway to our readers. Should you be interested please send your name and email address to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it  

Confronting Demons

Do not open this book if you are not willing to confront your own demons as you turn each page.

‘I have a gun in my mouth.’

These words open a door to a world from which most people are far removed. The door is not opened, it is wrenched open and as a reader you are sent scuttling into a space where terror, fear and the seediness of drugs reside.

Smacked

Smacked tells the story of writer and filmmaker Melinda Ferguson’s six-year journey with heroin and cocaine. As the title suggests, it is her titillation with heroin, colloquially known as smack, and the reciprocal hold it has on her when she becomes addicted. This leaves her beaten, raped, penniless and ravaged emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

There are no holds barred in this real and biting account of a normal girl who leaves a world she has always known to enter into a planet on our doorstep that is mired in darkness. Ferguson makes no bones of the extent of her addiction, detailing her journey into hell where she confronts pimps, druglords, ’whores’, her own familial relationships, her incandescent childhood and her role as a woman, wife and mother.

The Human Face

Ferguson does so with an energy that begins with the first word and goes on sometimes too quickly, too boldly. She explains the physical world around her, but it is her in-depth look at her whims and inadequacies as the human face of heroine and cocaine that can leave you feeling lost, reeling.

Her language is informal and insistent, not merely inviting you to witness, but rather become part of the story as you watch her moan at the door of her lover and supplier, Goodluck, as he refuses to do anything more for her; or when she is filled with helpless rage as she learns her children have been taken from her; and you will wonder at yourself and your own decisions if you had learned you were pregnant but could not give over your whoredom to the feeling of chasing the dragon.

Hard in its Questioning

It is a hard story to read. It is hard in its syntax and structure. It is hard in its questioning. It is jarring in its telling, leaving the same gunmetal taste in your mouth as the weapon bangs against your teeth.

And, yet, it always leaves a crack open for hope to flow through. You vilify and champion Melinda Ferguson and, of course, you cry for her too – at her choices and seeming lack of clear judgment. Unfortunately, or maybe it is fortunate, it is a book that also lends itself to taking a long, hard, clear look at yourself.

The End as the Beginning

In her honesty, Ferguson does not give over to self-pity. She is a brave woman – a fighter by all accounts. As the book says at the start: ‘What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.’

Ferguson reminds me that we all do the best we can, all the time, and when we know better we do better. It is an inspiring reminder.