It is abundantly clear, confirmed almost daily from the people I see, the calls and emails I receive, that so many of us are stumbling around in a space of sexual darkness. Many of the experiences, relationships and interactions that people are involved in are filled with fear, anxiety, uncertainty and stress.

Deeply Unfulfilled

So many people, men and women, those in relationships and not, are deeply unfulfilled. The activities that many of us are indulging in, openly, secretly, with partner’s knowledge, suspicion, in many ways often reach levels of desperation.

The sexual and sensual loneliness and alienation that many people, once again, men and women, in relationships or not, experience leave them swirling in a vortex of turmoil and confusion with few avenues of expression. And even fewer of hope.

Let’s briefly look at some of the most prevalent issues and reasons behind this.

I’d like to touch on four aspects with you. And know, KNOW, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Lack of Knowledge

This is simple. To be a good lover requires certain skills. There is such a strong emphasis on education in our society, yet nobody teaches us how to be a good lover.

Learning about each other’s bodies, a range of sexual skills is an absolutely vital aspect of life. All too often we’re left hoping we’re going to get it right, that it’s going to happen on its own. The evidence clearly demonstrates otherwise.

Differences Between Men and Women

There is an enormous lack of understanding the differences between men and women. We look at sensuality and sexuality in very different ways. By learning how we view and approach these we can gain an understanding that will allow for fulfillment on many levels; mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

Culture

We don’t have a culture of talking about sex and relationship problems and issues. We don’t have many forums to express what we’re feeling and experiencing, where we can share in safety without judgement, where we can get open and honest advice. We will talk about almost every other aspect of life, but this is still taboo.

Communication

This requires its own book it’s such a big issue. It’s simple on one level. We don’t know how to talk about sex. We don’t know how to communicate about our desires and fears, our dreams and fantasies, our insecurities and anxieties, our wants and needs. And we don’t know how to listen.

So many don’t have the safety they need to be vulnerable to share what’s inside of them. We fear judgement, ridicule and rejection. Often we don’t even know where to begin talking about these issues they’ve become such a tangled morass. Thoughts, feelings, anger, frustration, secrecy, longing, hopes, dreams, doubts…

Basic communication about what we want on a purely physical level to sharing of that which is deep inside of us is often a minefield.

It can all Change

Action…

It requires action. One small step to start.

Desire…

It requires desire. For it, for life, pleasure, sensuality, sexuality, sharing, relationships to be different.

Possibility…

It requires that you are able to entertain, even if it’s no more than a tiny glimmer of possibility, that it can be different.

You can have the pleasure, the intimacy, the connection, the excitement, the love you’d like.