I posed the question to a group of people: Do platonic relationships work? Can a man anda woman ever be just friends? The flurry of answers proved interesting, surprising and insome cases shocking. However, the idea that people of the opposite sex having a friendshipwithout sex or romance has intrigued people since time immemorial.

Women and Men are Meant to be Sexual

Sello, a young man who makes no excuses for being honest, says women are objects of affection. He goes on to say women are beautiful and made to be attractive to men and vice versa, so how is it possible that one can have a friendship with someone you want to sleep with. Many women say the sexual chemistry between people definitely lends itself to the dilution of a platonic relationship.

And yet, I got one interesting answer from a close friend who asked, ‘Why do friendships have to be specifically platonic? I don’t understand why it cannot simply and eloquently be just a friendship.’ I understood where he was coming from, but I also responded that attraction between people whether between men and women, or between just women or just men if you’re homosexual, is something built in to our DNA.

Sexual Chemistry is in Our Genes

It’s an evolutionary thing, I philosophised, because since the ascent of mankind, man has always looked for a mate to keep company as well as to procreate. We’re social beings but we’re also sexual beings, and it’s my belief that the issue of sex between people will always come up.

We have to test the waters to see if there is chemistry; and if there is then we’ll want to explore the chemistry romantically and sexually. However, if there isn’t, then the normal course for the relationship is either to dissipate or continue on a platonic path. Like most of life’s interesting, albeit complex questions there is never one-size-fits-all answer.

My Personal Experience of a Platonic Friendship

One of my closest friends a few years ago was male. He was good-looking, smart with an amazing sense of humour. At the time we were both in relationships, but the chemistry between us was electric. Nonetheless we never, never kissed or touched each other sexually.

We spent every moment together, sharing stories, swapping intellectual theories, enjoying each other’s favourite foods and honing in on our failed and fledging relationships, but we never crossed the line. But we always knew there was a line. We never talked about it – this thing between us. We assumed we were just great friends until one day we both had to admit there was something underlying this ‘friendship’.

Non-romantic Relationships

In order not to hurt anyone we decided to ‘kill’ the friendship, so we stopped spending time with each other. Many years later, we’ve gotten over that ‘thing’ - whatever was between us - and though we try to make the effort there just is no basis for a friendship. I am not sure what happened.

I’ve seen relationships where people who should be attracted to each other sexually actually are not, but rather look at their relationship as a simple, purely platonic friendship. But the question remains as to if they were both stuck together on an island, would the relationship remain as is, or would it, if nature takes its course, move to a sexual relationship?

The Question of Being Platonic

There’s the bug right there! Nature! Is it natural that we are drawn to each other sexually? Are we animals first? And yet scientists say the human being has one thing over beasts and that’s reason, which should make platonic relationships possible. Sometimes it is only once the sexual nature of the beast has been explored that we can make way for the less volatile manner of a relationship.

And yet, sometimes a man and woman will be just friends. Most men will argue that being friends is simply not possible unless one of the couple is homosexual. Be that as it may, platonic relationships and friendships will always be an exciting topic. Sexual or non-romantic, no man is an island.