‘Abortion’ provokes a huge emotional reaction within most people. There are those who are pro-abortion and those who aren’t. But abortion is a personal choice, and we need to think about the person behind the decision

Clients

The clients I have seen have come to me with the need to make a choice about aborting their pregnancy or not – some have come to me already having made their choice.

The Choice

Making the choice to have an abortion or to go through with the pregnancy is a difficult one. In most cases there are many things to be considered. There could be certain practicalities, perhaps involving the nature of the relationship with the father, that have to be taken into account. Often, difficulty over the choice comes from a deep inner conflict over a person’s ideals and the reality of the circumstances.

Many people who are anti-abortion would consent in cases of rape; yet there are also many cases where, after rape, and the pregnancy from it, people have decided to keep the child.

When the thought of abortion has enters the frame, then, in my experience, either choice will be a difficult one.

This is not to say, however, that, in general, other pregnancies are easy and totally welcomed. It is important, though, that in all of these cases a sense of peace is found.

Why the Difficulty

When someone chooses to have an abortion, in most cases, even when they completely understand their choice, there is apprehension, a loss felt. This experience and this decision may come up at different times in the person’s life, and it is important to, at all times, look at it again and reconnect with the reason and acceptance.

Soul

In some cases people may also look into connecting to the soul conceived. In my experience, from a soul’s perspective there is often a deep relationship and understanding between the soul of the conceived pregnancy and the parent; it is one of acceptance and understanding.

Sometimes it is the parent’s choice, sometimes it may also be the choice of the soul who is aborted. When someone then chooses to keep the pregnancy, it may also be a difficult road ahead: the practical concerns may become realities. In other cases, though, it becomes a joyful journey.

Relationships

I have counseled someone who had a one night stand, and the woman involved had fallen pregnant. It was not a pregnancy of his choosing: she had said she was on a contraceptive. He wanted her to have an abortion. She wanted to keep the child. He struggled because he did not want to have a relationship wth her but felt he might want to have a relationship with the child. This is a reality that some people face.

I have also counseled a mother and her daughter. The daughter fell pregnant and, sadly, had a back street abortion when she continued feeling sick. She told her mum. Her mum found it incredibly difficult, but was incredibly supportive, and genuinely so. The relationship between them has grown as a result.

Right vs Wrong

We often look at controversial topics from a moral perspective; whatever our belief is we take it as being right. In truth, the only thing I know for certain is how difficult this decision is, how support is needed – practical support: TLC, laughter, going over the decision as much or as little as needed, and to truly make peace with it, no matter what, and no matter who you are.

Miscarriage

Miscarriages are often seen in a different light: there is an expectation with a miscarriage that a person will heal, get over it, fall pregnant again. In truth, while this may happen, there is also a need to mourn, to accept the loss (there is often so much of an emphasis on the woman, with the expectation that the man is there to support her, that there is great neglect over what the man himself may be thinking, feeling and experiencing).

In many cases, if it is the first pregnancy, there is a sense of loss of a dream. With a first pregnancy there is the idea of a couple moving on to becoming a family. When there is a miscarriage, there is a sense, on some level of that dream being shattered. Unless the loss and the feelings over it are acknowledged and ‘healed’, the relationship may end; I’ve seen it many times. However, if dealt with care and love and acceptance, the relationship may even become stronger than it was before. Once again, this may have been the souls’ choice.

Seek Help

Abortions and miscarriages affect many people and relationships. Take the time to mourn and heal and listen and share. Do so without judgement or taking things personally, and perhaps you will find yourself more intimately connected to your partner and yourself.

Please seek assistance.