Thinking that age is on your side when negotiating with a 10-year-old surfing instructor could get your dreams dumped by the universe.
Poetry in Motion
I am standing on a
Then I see him – the surfboard glued to his feet, as much a part of him as the long surfer-dude hair that clings tightly to his wet head. He makes it look easy. He is poetry-in-motion as he negotiates his way along the top of the wave then suddenly dropping off behind it and out of sight. I sigh loudly. Yes, I too want to float like a goddess on the water, treating it as my own web to weave, mine to command. The longing wells up in me again and I turn resolutely towards the clubhouse.
Teach Me to Surf
Surfers are a weird bunch. They don’t have the need to pay any attention or be polite to a stranger, particularly one who is clearly out of place among their svelte, brown bodies and long golden locks tumbling carelessly over their eyes. Finally, I just throw his name out of my mouth, letting it thud on the pool table that is commanding his attention. ‘Kyle.’ All heads turn in one motion and the snap back again to the midget - Kyle.
He says nothing, looking at me expectantly, so I start again. ‘Kyle, my name is Michelle and the woman below told me you can teach me to surf.’ He holds my gaze, doesn’t say a word then looks at his surfing buddies and smiles. As he turns back to the pool table I shriek out, ‘I’ll pay you!’
Fried Green Tomatoes
Ahhhh, the smug satisfaction I experience is thrilling as fiscal reality makes him stop dead and turn back. It reminds me of the scene from Fried Green Tomatoes where Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates) keeps smashing into the car belonging to a young thing who rudely zipped in front of her and took her parking space and is then rude to top it all.
As she is about to drive away Kathy Bates says to young thing, ‘Face it girls, I’m older and have more insurance.’
I understand this feeling as I stand with 50 bucks in my hand - yes, I am a desperate woman and I know the art of negotiation is in my corner, especially when my counterpart is 10 years old! Back-up plan: what he doesn’t know is that there is another 50 bucks in my pocket just in case.
Nice Old Lady
The negotiation is over. He bounced about uncertainly with his price at first and settled on 20 bucks an hour. I smile, thinking he handled it in such a cute way. Suddenly I feel magnanimous and offer 50 an hour for his ‘expertise’. He jumps at it, delighted that this ‘nice old lady’ would offer more when he had set the price. He then brings his friend into the deal as the other tutor, just assuming it is okay and I watch in amazement as the terms change.
Where and when did I become so adult? Tight-fisted, uptight and distrusting? But then when did I start taking 50 bucks for granted? I am amazed how willing the young are to share, I can see that they are delighted thinking they are rich. I offered more because I wanted to make sure I was getting the best I could and now my ‘expert’ isn’t giving me his total attention – he is outsourcing! Kyle brought his friend into the deal because it means that he does half the time with me, can surf for the rest of the time and they could then both bugger off to spend 25 bucks apiece.
Surfer Chick
The 50 bucks includes a long board (which is apparently easier to learn on), two tutors and an hour. Finally, I am happy – damn, I’m a good negotiator soon-to- be-surfer-chick. Kyle and Eddy haul the board off the rack and Kyle glances at his watch to start the clock. I feel a bit irritated, a little cheated, because we’re not even in the water and he wants this to be over. Then I remember I’m about to become uber surfer-chick! I head to the surf, seeing myself riding that wave.
Eddy and Kyle sort out who is taking first shift – Kyle loses, the first shift is his. Standing knee deep in the water (waist deep for my tutor), together we look at the board – he runs his hand lovingly over it. I gasp when I get a first hand look at this long piece of chipped fiberglass that is pointed at both ends. It‘s rough to the touch and there is a ‘fin’ missing.
Surfer Hag
Kyle sees me eyeing this obvious flaw disapprovingly and says, ‘There is a fin missing, but this board will be good enough for you to learn.’ How can I argue – he is my teacher. This is the moment my surfer-chick image starts fading and surfer-hag starts to appear.
He looks me straight in the eye and asks. ‘why do you want to learn to surf.’ It’s clear that he thinks I am over the hill and wasting my money. Stinging back with an answer that goes over his head, my retort floats into the ether, ‘Because I can and if not now, then when?’
Magic Carpet
He takes full control and tells me to watch how to do it. He flips onto the board with speed and grace, two actions forgotten by my body, and starts paddling toward the pounding waves without fear. Through saline soaked eyes after being tumbled by the breaker that threatened to drown me, I see him pop out on top of a wave – making the broken board look like a magic carpet ridden by the son of
I learn about ‘rail’, ‘tail’ and the ‘nose’. I am told how to tip the nose down into the wave to get through it rather than be tossed about like a bit of driftwood. I learn how to paddle in front of the wave until my arms feel like they will drop off - all of this in fifteen minutes. I think it was after I had wiped out for the second time (in front of a beach full of people) that he thought I should be happy with having achieved kneeling (interpretation: balancing on the broken board) and riding the wave that way.
Ending Early
I don’t think he considered that anyone over 50kgs might need that missing fin for balance. Perhaps he thought learning by osmosis would be best for this ‘old’ lady because for the rest of our time together, I watch Kyle surf. I see him glance at his waterproof watch again - it is time for Eddy to teach me.
At this stage, I realised that there was no way the other 50 bucks that was nestled safely and wet in my Velcro pocket would be coming out to brave another hour of this torture. I ended the surfing lesson early.
Lessons Learned
These are the lessons I learned:
o Don’t think age is on your side when it comes to negotiating skills. I didn’t check the terms and conditions because the tutor was 10 years old.
o Broken surf equipment works for people who weigh less than 50kgs or are under 12-years-old.
o 10-year-olds have no concept of ‘customer experience’ and service values. Expecting this is foolish, possibly downright ridiculous.
o Learning of any kind does not happen by osmosis.
o Simply because someone can do something does not mean they can translate their knowledge into a learning experience for me. Find myself an adult who will teach me how to surf or tell me the truth that I should keep it a dream.
Because of the above, I walked out of the surf happy. I learned that even though this was on my bucket list, I didn’t want it that badly to go through this again – obviously my Bucket List has also become a discovery/refining tool in my life. I think body boarding might be a better option for me.
Valuable lesson for 50 bucks – cheap, in fact!
