There are many types of fantasies, but are there some that should never be put into words? So what are erotic fantasies: tools for pleasure or perversion?
Hidden Desires
Fantasies of money; that exotic holiday under palms; a shopping spree with someone else’s credit card; bashing your boss’s head in with a keyboard after he asks for another cup of coffee and dismisses your request for an increase in the same breath… Our fantasies can move our life forward, give us goals and maybe even give us our sense of humour back. Our fantasies add a little bit of godlike creation to each of our lives.
And then there are the other types of fantasies, the ones that catalogue our most personal, deeply hidden desires… and sometimes they may well fall into the category of erotic fantasies. These are fantasies that should never be put into words. Or should they?
Daydreams or Dexter?
Let’s make the first distinction about erotic dreams very clear: although that dashing Victorian highwayman who comes in through the window is an all time classic fantasy experience, the reality is no woman ever wants to be abused, hurt or experience real gut-wrenching fear.
And, on the flip side, you don’t want to ever cause the same reaction in someone else. If you do want to grievously hurt someone in an erotic fantasy, and that gives you pleasure, the recommendation is to speak to a professional as there may be some underlying issues. But other than that, the highwaymen, in silk doublet, leather coat, with strong arms and a fast horse, is a definite classic.
Erotic fantasies often cross the boundaries of societal taboos, allowing thoughts, feelings and desires that are repressed to be acted out behind closed doors. And don’t leave skeletons. It is a harmless way of figuring out what is for you and what is not, without giving an ultra-conservative family sleepless nights because of your interracial love fest – especially if it’s anatomically motivated.
It’s Out There
When faced with the prospect of writing about erotic fantasy, I came to the realisation that I have never defined it. My romantic life is entirely my own, never discussed with anyone. And as someone who almost threw up in the first American Pie movie and blushes in the health and wellness section of bookstores, an open discussion of a relatively taboo subject is difficult to type. And, frankly, I know I am not the only one who changes colour at that three-letter word. As in all cases of unknown territory, I went straight to the information super highway.
My first search of erotic fantasy brought up a YOU Tube video, apparently filmed by a woman for her especial pleasure. My ‘spidey’ senses started tingling and I double clicked the mouse. It turned out to be pornography. I see nothing fantastical in it for me. In fact it caused the same reaction as American Pie. My ‘spidey’ senses became a gag reflex. But I think I am going to put this (and, by this, I mean male-targeted pornography) firmly in the male erotic fantasy box and continue on in the pursuit of the erotic fantasy that is right for me; and by me, I mean womankind.
Defining Fantasy
Erotic fantasies are defined by that online encyclopaedia as a sexual pattern of thoughts that revolve around evoking pleasure. But the most interesting part of the whole article was when they mentioned the psychological study of women’s fantasies.
‘Women may be prone to underreporting the frequency of fantasy because they do not realise that they are becoming aroused, or they will not say that they are; one common problem is that they will imagine romantic imagery and become aroused, but not report the fantasy because it is not sexually explicit.’
That definitely explains why pornography is not on my fantasy wish list. So an erotic fantasy does not necessarily entail sex, maybe the highwaymen will just take you for a ride on his horse.
A Singular Position
Being alone and wanting all the good things of being with another person, or even just getting out of your head and into a place that you still control, our fantasies are a place that is all about us. Whatever we want and whatever we want to be and have. And that’s why rationally they can’t be bad. But, with all things in life, erotic fantasies will have to be in moderation and not when operating heavy machinery.
The release of the erotic fantasy is not only in sexual arousal and orgasm, but also in the creation of the fantasy. The brain has always been the best of all our sexual organs. Maybe that’s why women so enjoy planning a wedding.
Let’s also be brutally honest: an erotic fantasy is the only safe sex.
A Dream Coupling
In pursuit of the ultimate erotic fantasy, or at least an attempt to write about them, I approached one of my favourite friends, the ridiculously dashing Anonymous. As a man with both amazing relationships and the hottest single nights as well, the man may almost understand women. So I asked him about the erotic fantasy for couples. And the response was overwhelming. Apparently erotic fantasies when shared can open up communication and bring you into closer comfort zones.
Revealing your entire bondage, hanging from-the-chandelier with candle wax and whips might not be the way to start the sharing with the new partner in your life. But dropping little bits of one of the things that would make you happy would probably make him happy to know you are including him in your inner life. And maybe the actual act will live up to inner expectations. Anonymous says that when it is right it opens a whole new world for the two of you together.
Brain Powered Up
The erotic fantasy is pretty much a gift to be enjoyed. It’s your own; something private that can be enjoyed at your leisure, when you don’t have to reciprocate and all the characters behave in exactly the way you want; the movie scripted, directed and shot according to your very own desires. And if you choose to share your fantasies, maybe you won’t just learn more about yourself.
