Bullying amongst adults is rife in South Africa. While there are no definitive laws for bullying, South African citizens are protected by the Constitution against harassment, discrimination, hate speech or acts, and physical, emotional or verbal abuse.

Who’s the Boss

I worked in a corporate division run by a woman who made it very clear to all her subordinates that she was the boss. Whenever she walked into the open-plan department, voices would be lowered, the mood became sullen and tense, and no one moved. When they did, it was done with deliberate slowness and silence as if to not make our boss aware that we were around.

No one wanted to be a victim of her wrath. In fact, whenever I watch the movie The Devil Wears Prada, I realise she could have played the role of Miranda Priestly quite easily, such was her disdain and, yes, I will say it, bullying. Unlike Miranda, our boss could make her voice rise many decibels when angry and she wasn’t shy to admit she was a bitch. In fact, she seemed to revel in the title of being the one who made all of us squirm. It wasn’t a happy environment.

Workplace Bullying

Workplace bullying is one of the forms of bullying of which you and I can be victims. It seems silly saying that I, an adult, can be a bully or be bullied because so often we relegate the notion of bullying to kids and the playground. However, all we are (adults) are physically big kids and the workplace, our homes and social environment are literally our playground.

According to researcher Dan Olweus, bullying is defined as when a person is ‘exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.’

He goes on to describe the various ways in which adults can be bullied, which include: verbal bullying through derogatory comments and calling people names; bullying through social exclusion or isolation; physical bullying, such as hitting, spitting or slapping; bullying through lies and rumours; having money or things taken from you; being threatened or being forced to do things; racial bullying, such as calling people names; sexual bullying where you force yourself on another person; and cyber bullying via the Internet or cellphone.

Hell Hath no Fury

You may remember that a few weeks ago, our editor and one of SenseOnline’s directors were victims of three bullies who threatened them with physical harm if they did not do what the three requested. It was only when we took action against the bullies and stood our ground that they slid away with their tails in between their legs.

As is often the case, when a victim stands up to the perpetrator the bully finds him/herself at a loss and will go on to choose another victim – someone who will not challenge them and, in effect, show them up for being the insecure person that they are. When we did our investigation we found that the most vocal bully, Richard Catto, had in fact victimised numerous people, threatened them and was wanted by both the police and the Human Rights Commission for racial, sexual, verbal, cyber bullying.

Need to Control

According to research, bullies are people who are ‘authoritarian with a strong need to control or dominate…Further studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying. Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results. While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, others can use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser feels empowered.’

Now, whilst bullying amongst men can take on a physical demeanour, women find their niche in emotional bullying, which includes verbal abuse, social aggression and email or Internet bullying. But the question is, how does an adult become a bully? According to the Anti-bullying Centre at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, bullying behaviour in adults has its origin in childhood. In fact, it has been discussed that bullies themselves have often been victims of bullying in their earlier years.

‘If aggressive behaviour is not challenged in childhood, there is a danger that it may become habitual. Indeed, there is research evidence to indicate that bullying during childhood puts children at risk of criminal behaviour and domestic violence in adulthood.’

Being in Control

A few weeks ago, I was once again the victim of bullying. When I say I was a victim, I obviously mean that someone had a mean streak and took out their frustrations on me. However, by saying I was bullied, implies that I am weak and there must be something wrong with me, but I know that is not true. Bullies are opportunists and, as I mentioned earlier, are also authoritarians who strike when the opportunity arises.

I was driving up a street and in the other lane at the traffic lights was a construction vehicle blocking traffic for incoming traffic. The outgoing traffic, which I was part of, had access to two lanes, while the incoming only had one lane. However, I was not really paying attention and having driven this route so many times, I parked my car in the outer right hand side lane waiting for the robot to turn green. Of course, as the construction vehicle had blocked the lane for incoming traffic, it meant any cars coming through had to use the lane I had parked in.

Getting a Mouthful

One of the blue collar workers who had been attempting to direct traffic, came to the side of my car and indicated that I roll down the window. For probably a minute, wearing a grim face with a decidedly aggressive tone in his voice, the man went on to lambaste me in isiZulu for not obeying his instructions. He then threatened to stand in front of my car and block my way so I wouldn’t be able to go on.

Now, I am not one to sit back in the face of an attack and I thought about getting just as aggressive with him, but in the words of Michel de Montaigne, a writer during the French Renaissance, ‘He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows his reason is weak,’ I decided to play it cool. Very calmly, but firmly, I admitted I was wrong, then I told the man that I hadn’t seen him. But if he wished to stand in front of my car we would carry on the conversation when we got to Johannesburg General Hospital.

Suffice to say, he was not amused, but he also realised that I wouldn’t tolerate his nonsense and merely stood back as I continued driving when the robot turned green.

The Self-esteem of the Bully

It got me thinking, however, about how bullying or abuse is directly proportional to the self-esteem and confidence of the bully. When I discussed it with my friends, we agreed that the man, who was incidentally black, would never have spoken to a white person or another black man in the same rude, condescending manner. The truth is black men for many years were made to feel inferior and in many ways were emasculated. Add to that the patriarchal attitude that exists fully in local tradition and you have a recipe where the common man will believe a black woman, no matter her status, attitude or background, is inferior to him.

Unhappily, it is also the temperament of many local taxi drivers who will not hesitate to ensure a woman knows her place. Once my sister, driving merrily along Louis Botha Avenue, chose to overtake a taxi driver, which didn’t make him very happy. When they got to the red robot, he was out of his car and in no time had hopped over to my sister’s window in an attempt to slap her, just because she drover faster than him. How much more can one say about insecurity and low self-esteem?

Demanding Bribes

This country has various examples of bullying and it happens to men and women from all races and walks of life. I bet you never thought about it as bullying, but is not so when an officer of the law threatens you with the law if you do not give them money? Truthfully, it could be anyone who believes they have some power over you: be it at home (your spouse), out on the street (a driver with a fancier car filled with road rage), in a shopping mall (a client attacking a shop assistant), or even at work.

According to the Work Trauma Organisation, nearly 80% of South Africans say that they have experienced some form of victimisation during their careers. It is especially prevalent in the health sector. In addition, there is also bullying amongst friends and in the social environment.

This could easily be Lerato gossiping about Jane to others in their clique so that when Jane comes around next time, no one wants to talk to her or, even if they do, they only throw derogatory terms at her. It could also be when one of your friends demeans you in public, making fun of your style of dress or hair or even your partner’s ex sending you threatening emails or text messages.

A Trigger for Depression

Bullying can lend itself easily to depression, feeling of victimisation, anxiety, panic and, in some cases, even suicide as was the case with Megan Meier who reportedly hung herself after receiving cruel and hurtful messages online. 

If you are being bullied then I offer the following advice: fight back. I don’t mean that in the literal sense nor do I mean an eye for an eye, but rather stand up for yourself. In most cases a bully will stand down when made aware their behaviour will not be tolerated. If needs be, get the authorities involved. This could either be your human resources department, medical staff or law enforcement. Keep a record of all abuse and understand that you have the right to be who you are without someone putting you down.